Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
