Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
