the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
