I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize