Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
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he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
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I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
His nipple licking is glorious
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