I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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