i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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