guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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