How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
