Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
