mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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