It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
