you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
