grandma shit on top of the toilet
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
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