There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
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