All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
