Dual....:-)
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
