He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
