If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
we should paint friendship bongs
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