Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
