dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
