I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
