went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
That reminds me...we need to get swords
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
