And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
