He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
