a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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