Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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