If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
