There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
