How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
he fucked my hip out of place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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