I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
