i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.