Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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