I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.