Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.