Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
My liver just had a heart attack.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.