A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
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You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
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You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
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