Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
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We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
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I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.