There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
where does the pee come out of this thing
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
