Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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