I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You had me at "let me see your balls"
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
