the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i just had sex bonerless
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
