I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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