there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
