What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
