After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
