Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
