We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
