i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
