Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
