My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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