I just threw up on my dentist
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
