Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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