I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
