My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
