If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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