She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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