He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
No stitches, just platelets and will power
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
