We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
