So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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