you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
