this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
did i just pee glitter
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
