Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
