Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
