The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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