Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
