jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
