I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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