I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
