she smelled like a LAN party
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
