we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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