this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
