I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.