I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
So squirting runs in the family.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi