So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
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ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.