Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
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you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.