i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
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could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
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And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.