Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers