true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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