I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
She bit a glass in half.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
