Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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