do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
