just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
