i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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