i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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