it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
