I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
